


Dead End

by Russ (Quasar)



Series: Time Heals [15]
Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-11 14:06:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2071170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quasar/pseuds/Russ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair confesses to Simon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dead End

**Author's Note:**

> Written September 1998. Takes place after the episode "Crossroads."

"Maybe I _should_ go for that apartment downstairs," Blair mused. "That way I could be close to Jim without actually being in his space."

"Come on, Blair," Simon snorted. "Don't you think Jim would miss you? He'd go crazy in that loft all by himself. He'd be downstairs visiting you all the time." He braked as they came to the dog-leg where the road crossed the train tracks, threading through the maze of police-guarded wreckage left by the collision of the locomotive and the getaway car.

Blair grimaced. "We haven't really spent all that much time together lately." He braced himself on the dashboard as Simon's sedan lurched over the tracks. They had now officially left Clayton Falls, and Jim Ellison, behind them.

"What are you talking about? After he got out of the hospital, you were there nursing him twenty-four, seven."

"Just until he got on his feet again. Once he could take care of himself, well . . . I had a lot of work to catch up on at the university. I mean, my thesis committee is demanding at least a chapter from me by the end of this month! So I spent a lot of nights in my office. And then when Jim got back to work, _he_ volunteered for nights --"

"I okayed that because night shift is usually quiet -- at least for detectives. The uniforms run ragged overnight. But for Jim I thought it would be a good way to ease back into real work."

"I know why you okayed it, Simon. I think it turned out fine for him. But what bugs me is why Jim requested it. I had just gotten back onto a day schedule by then -- I was teaching some classes for a friend I owed a favor to, and I couldn't just switch to nights at the drop of a hat. So I was asleep while Jim was working, and he was sleeping while I was working -- we hardly even saw each other for days. And now this vacation thing. I think, well -- I think maybe he's trying to avoid me."

"That's crazy! Why would Jim want to avoid you?"

Blair didn't answer.

Sparing a moment of his attention from the rain-slicked road, Simon glanced over at his solemn companion. "Blair? Is there some reason you think Jim _would_ want to avoid you?"

Blair shrugged, plucking nervously at a new tear in his jeans.

"It wasn't the Bryant case, was it?"

"Umm . . ." Blair licked his lips.

"Sandburg, we've been over all this. I can't believe Jim would blame you for Bryant killing himself."

"No, it's not that. When I told him about it, Jim said it was the only thing I could have done."

"And did you believe him?"

"I suppose so. You, Jim, Henri -- you all keep telling me it wasn't my fault. I guess it's starting to sink in."

"Good."

"I still feel bad about it, but . . . actually, I'm more worried that Jim blames himself. You know, for getting shot and not being there to help me. He won't talk about it at all."

"So you think that's why he's avoiding you? Because he feels guilty somehow?"

"Maybe. Partly. I mean, the whole case brought up some touchy issues between us."

"Oh, no. You're not talking about the gay thing, are you? I thought Jim had already figured out that you were bisexual. I thought he was okay with it."

"Well, um . . . it went a little further than that."

The captain freed a hand from the steering wheel to rub at his forehead. "I have the feeling I don't want to know this, but I have to ask. You didn't make a pass at him, did you?"

"Not lately."

Simon groaned.

"It was just once, Simon, months ago, and we settled all that. At least I thought we did. We were past it. I was being good, I swear -- not testing Jim's limits at all. But then, he -- he wanted to --"

"Easy, kid. I don't need to hear the details. Just a general outline is enough."

"He needed me, Simon! I mean, with the strain of the case, and getting back all those memories from his childhood, and the way his father treated him . . . then there was that whole mess with Lila. He needed me! I thought, since it was his idea to start -- you know -- he wouldn't have a problem with it."

The captain snorted ruefully. "Right. I thought you were supposed to be a people person, Sandburg. Don't you know your partner at all?"

"Okay, okay. So maybe I was a little naive there. Jim probably just needed comfort from someone, anyone, and I was the only one available. But it helped him, I swear it did. I didn't expect him to -- I mean, I thought he'd at least face up to reality, and not blame me for it!"

Simon tried to think of some comforting words to say, but before he came up with anything Blair was speaking again, as if enough words could obliterate the problem entirely.

"Sure, I know he's good at repressing things he doesn't like. So maybe he thinks it was a big mistake, and he wants to forget about it. But that doesn't mean he has to avoid me! He can't just throw me out of his life, can he?"

"He wouldn't do that," Simon said firmly, but he didn't feel as sure as he sounded.

"No. Of course not. He just wouldn't. But . . ." Blair stared for a few minutes into the deepening dusk beyond the windshield. "Okay, fine. If he wants to forget the whole thing, I can handle that. I don't like it, but I can deal with going back to the way it was before. Just so long as he doesn't totally push me away."

"I'm not sure he could," Simon said slowly. "I don't even want to know what would happen if Jim tried to deal with the Sentinel thing on his own."

"Yeah. Yeah, he needs me. But he doesn't want to feel dependent, or like I'm chasing after him or anything. So I'll give him some space, right? Let him take a vacation for a few days on his own. I won't try to make him talk to me if he doesn't want to. You think that would help?"

Simon considered a moment. "You could let him see you dating."

"Huh?"

"You haven't been chasing the women so much lately. Maybe if you take up your old habits again, Jim would . . . relax a little."

Blair grimaced unenthusiastically. "Great. He could go back to telling me what a dog I am. I'm sure he'd love that. Especially when half the women I'm attracted to turn out to be criminals, and the other half are ex-girlfriends of criminals. Talk about feeling threatened," he muttered in a lower voice.

Simon struggled to hide a smile, grateful for the growing darkness. "Well, we do have a woman coming in from Australia as part of this exchange program thing. I've seen her file, and she's no criminal. Not bad looking, either."

"An Australian cop? I bet she'd kick my butt if I asked her out." Blair shook his head sharply. "I'm sorry, man. You're probably right about that being a good way to make Jim feel less threatened. I just don't feel much like flirting these days, you know?"

The captain shrugged. "I don't know what else to suggest, Blair. I gave up trying to predict Ellison years ago. You understand him better than anyone else."

"And I don't understand him at all, sometimes." Blair rubbed a hand wearily down his face. "Maybe I should go for that apartment downstairs."


End file.
